So, who am I in your mind? A programmer may think I am a good JSer; a computer user may think I am a computer master; a people who have saw my paintings may think I am really good at drawing; a teacher who recognized I never listen to his or her class may think I am a bad student; a classmate who don't really know me may think I am a good guy who has some talents but is a little strange; my friends may think I am a boy born with dreams.

I am lucky to have a quite high IQ, and I thought it's the most precious thing my parents gave me. But I am unlucky to have an IQ that's not high enough. I am a man standing between the ordinary people and the geniuses, called sub-genius. I have the dreams the geniuses have, but I may not be able to realize them because I can't think as a genius.

You may say, efforts can create a genius, but they can't. Just like something I think it simple will always be a mystery to some people. So, get back to the question, who am I?

Yes I am a boy with dreams. I don't care about money, power or something else. I just want to know about the world and leave the world without pities. At least, I did want to. Little people know my dream of being a theoretical physicist, cause my physics is not at the top of my class, I mean ordered by examination. I was addicted to create my theory of the universe, seems crazy but it's true. But whatever I create, it would not change the scores I got. I am full of imagination; I got to understand some things by myself. The only pity is, what I understood has already been understood by people yesterday. But I dreamt, one day I will understand something, which hasn't been understood by the others.

Then I get into how is the producing of our consciousness, another mystery for human to solve. Some people know I am an Atheist and Fatalist; this makes me think everything in the world usual. When I feel sad about something, I will say to myself. All the things have been decided since the universe born. Then I will be happy again. And I was always a positive man because I believed I was born to achieve my dreams.

But it changes. The more I think about "what is consciousness", the more I feel my life is nothing. Consider it, when you recognize everything is false, how will you feel? Fortunately, it will only happen when I think about these things.

But it's also interesting thinking about the unpleasant stuff. So I turned my direction from theoretical physics or web programming into AI studies (actually, it's not after I recognized the unpleasant thing).

But now, I want to turn back. Maybe physics is just the one I really want, or maybe, I think I have got to know what consciousness is. I want to continue build my theory, at least, I am now wanting to.

So, you may have noticed I write little about programming. Yes, because I know the difference between dreams and hobbies. A dream is the thing you want to achieve to realize your value, but a hobby is just a thing that can make you feel good.

That's might be me, part of me at least.

Original link of this archive: http://www.vilic.info/blog/archives/603
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